Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Did u really mean that buddy???coz that was funny



We take English for granted but if we investigate its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.No wonder some people always find it very difficult to express themselves in English, but did u ever think it is amusing???? Well think again ,the carefully selected real letters from the web will have u rolling with Lalaughter on the floor…….



 

Humorous leave applications

“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife . Please sanction me one-week leave”.

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

“I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.”

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"






Funny Letters to Government Agencies

'I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.'

'Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can’t do a thing until he knows.'

'I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.'

'In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.'

'I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn’t done me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send for another doctor.'






Amusing letters to landlords

'I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.'

'Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.'

'Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.'

'50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy'

'Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny color and not fit to drink.'

'I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.'





Farewell mail

I found this funny farewell mail written by Chris Kula, a comedy writer in New York City.

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”
For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.
I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.
Over the past three years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.
Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.
And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.
But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:
To Rudy: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.
To Steven: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.
To Eileen: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.
To Felix: I left a new wristwatch on your desk. It is so that you might be able to still tell time even without your hourly phone call to let me know the copier is jammed. (Call Steven – he’ll come by.)
And finally, to Kat: you were right – I tested positive. We’ll talk later.
So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.
Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.
Very truly yours,
Mr. X


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