My wife will kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the Archives
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson

Well if the wife has a slapstick sense of humor as the one we shortly come across has you better listen to the advise above
       
He said    Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said    Not at all honey. I'd love you no matter who left you the money.
       
He said    This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!
She said    Sorry. Let me get you some that is.
       
She said    What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said    It’s not my fault. I ran out of money.
       
He said    Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way possible.
She said    You succeeded!
       
Priest    I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said    Who’s gonna look?
       
He said    With your flat chest and unshaven legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said    No. Have you?

       
He said    Why do you women try to impress us with your looks instead of your brains?
She said    Because there is a much bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind!
       
He said    What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said    Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
       
He said    Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
She said    Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the light on.
       
He said    Two inches more and I'd be king!
She said    Two inches less and you'd be queen!
       
She said    Seen on ladies room wall: "My husband follows me everywhere."
He said    Written just below it: "I do not."
       
He said    Shall we try switching positions tonight?
She said    Good idea! You stand by the ironing board while I sit in front of the TV
       

He said    Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said    I would, but you’re never there!