One of my favorites from the archives :)
What would you do if you found out that a guy was making out with your wife behind your back.Well whatever your reaction would be trust me it is never going to be anything like the one you come across in this note which a husband writes for the guy who is doing his wife.
1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed .
2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.
3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.
4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son believes if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?
5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks).
6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not retarded.
7. Please stop turning the heat up, you pay nothing and you are screwing me, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.
8. When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.
9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.
Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentine’s Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.
P.S. I am going to take the kids to the camping for two days, this Tuesday; I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.
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